The Superbowl...Everthing sucked!

Updated: Feb 13, 2019

" It looked like curtains that wouldn’t even be hanging up in my Grandma’s house because they are fucking horrendous"



The Super Bowl is the most watched game of the season. Everyone gets hyped for the game. This year we had The New England Patriots in there for what seems like the 13th time against the Los Angeles Rams led by head coach Sean McVay who is literally two years older than me. HOLY SHIT.


If you were expecting an offensive shootout between Brady and Goff, well you were disappointed as we had a 3-0 score at halftime. That’s riight. The Rams who average over 30 points a game were being shutout by the Pats who lost to my Jags earlier this season. That’s right. I went there. I’m still not over the 2018 AFC Championship game. #MylesJackWasntDown. Whew. rant over.


The commercials had been pretty eh for the most part. I was truly only excited for the Avengers: Endgame spot which I can honestly admit that I watched at least five straight times. They need to stop there. No more teasers or trailers. This film already has so much hype they don’t need to tease anymore.



Only three points had been scored so far into the Super Bowl and I’m thinking well, maybe we are in for an exciting second half. I was enjoying an ultra and then I remembered shit…Maroon 5 is doing the halftime performance. I’m not a Maroon 5 fan but the second Adam Levine started singing, I knew this was going to be rough. They didn’t sound good at all and I don’t know if you blame the sound guys or you just blame the fact that Maroon 5 isn’t very good? We at least got a booty break from Travis Scott and Big Boi. I’m shocked that Big Boi wasn’t yelling “DUUUVAL!” the whole time. I saw Big Boi in Tallahassee last October after an FSU game with T-Pain and he kept screaming “DUUUVAL!” the entire time. I kept thinking I wanted to be as drunk as him if he honestly didn’t know what county he was in at that moment.


The Spongebob teaser I felt pissed many people off. I had heard that over a million fans of the show had signed a petition for Spongebob and his pals to perform at the halftime show. I should have signed that petition if I knew we could have had that instead of Maroon 5. If you were able to make it the 15 minutes through that show, how could you know make fun of the tank top that he was wearing. It looked like curtains that wouldn’t even be hanging up in my Grandma’s house because they are fucking horrendous.



I wasn’t expecting much from the halftime performance and they sure didn’t let me down. It is possible that it might have been worse than what I was expecting. We have seen Bruno Mars tear down the house, Katy Perry dance with sharks and Lady Gaga dive off the stage. The only thing I will probably unfortunately remember from that awful halftime shirt is that stupid goddamn ugly curtains tank top. If you want to watch a good halftime show, go on YouTube and look up Bruno Mars 2014 performance. Shit, I’m going to do that right now.


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